Dentures?
by Random Dent
Summary: Warning: Slash (Trip/Malcolm). Sometimes some people are not quite what they seem...


Warning: Slash, (m/m relationship): Trip/Malcolm Disclaimers: I don't own 'Enterprise', and the Starfleet regulation is a Space corps regulation belonging to 'Red Dwarf'. Note: Only a few episodes have been on terrestrial telly over here, so all characterisation is based on the few episodes I've seen. And I've made the 'Sweet Spot' bigger, so there's a greater area at zero-g.  
  
  
  
Starfleet Regulation 423930.7: No officer with false teeth may attempt oral sex in zero gravity.  
  
"Fuck! Man, what are you tryin to do? Jeez, that was too close. Too close. Fuck!"  
  
"Forry."  
  
"Put the goddamn things back in would ya!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
They both drifted ungraciously to the floor, or this being the 'sweet spot', more accurately the ceiling. Neither man looked at each other, pointedly.  
  
"I am sorry. I just got a little. carried away."  
  
"Damn right. Bits of me nearly got carried away!"  
  
"May I remind you that this was your idea?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, go on. Blame me. You never mentioned that you have. those."  
  
"It's not my fault I have false teeth."  
  
"Yeah? How old are you? You wearin well for a pensioner or something?"  
  
"It was a child hood accident. I don't want to talk about it."  
  
Trip snorted derisorily. However, he was in something of a quandary. There was a limited list of 'crew he wanted to sleep with', and an even more limited list of 'crew who wanted to sleep with him'. There was only one name common to both lists and he had. false teeth. Eurgh.  
  
"Why did you want to come down here anyway?" Trip couldn't help but snigger at the innuendo. "Look, you know bloody well what I mean. This isn't exactly an out of the way spot. Anyone could have seen us."  
  
"Which is half the fun."  
  
"For you possibly. I quite like being in Starfleet, and the idea of being chucked out does not appeal. Especially when I have to tell my family why the reason given is 'zero gravity fornication'"  
  
Trip couldn't help himself. The mental images of Malcolm's family questioning him were too funny and he collapsed into laughter, closely followed by Malcolm.  
  
"Oh, good grief, I can see my mother now. 'Fornication'? Was it an engineering problem?"  
  
"Huh, my mom would probably only be interested in how she could do it."  
  
"Does she have false teeth too?"  
  
Trip hit him. "Do not say stuff like that about my mom."  
  
"Sorry. It was a joke. Umm."  
  
"Not funny."  
  
They both were silent again. Malcolm decided to break the silence. "I, um, never meant to, um, mislead you. It just never seemed the right moment. 'Oh, by the way, I have false teeth' doesn't fit into many conversations. Everyone has. things they don't like to talk about."  
  
"Not like that."  
  
"Fine. If you are going to be like that I am leaving."  
  
"Go on."  
  
"Fine. I will."  
  
"Okay then."  
  
"I mean, I don't even know why I started sleeping with you in the first place."  
  
"Well, that makes two of us don't it? Why the hell I decided to seduce you."  
  
"You seduce me? Yes, and the captain's a Klingon drag queen."  
  
"And what with you being a repressed little."  
  
"Oh, and who's talking there? Mr. Butch who feels he has to try it on with anything with breasts to prove his masculinity."  
  
"At least I could get it on with women on this ship if I wanted to. Can't see why any of them would want you."  
  
"So in your little universe a slap round the face means 'come to bed with me hot stuff' then?"  
  
This was too much of an insult for Trip to handle. He lunged for Malcolm, but he'd seen it coming and had pushed off and was drifting in the dead space below Trip.  
  
"Struck a little too close to the bone have I?"  
  
Trip didn't bother to reply. He lunged again but Malcolm twisted out of the way. He was trying to fight, but Malcolm was keeping one step ahead so that they seemed to be in a ballet. Malcolm was trying unsuccessfully to stifle his giggles, which was infuriating Trip.  
  
"Stop that!"  
  
"Stop what?"  
  
"Come here!" Trip managed to grab Malcolm around the waist in a very inept wrestling grip. "I am gonna make you regret that."  
  
"What are you two doing?" T'Paul had appeared in the crawl way beneath them. They both froze.  
  
"The Commander feels that I have unnecessarily slandered his lack of success with women." A piece of quick thinking that Malcolm was quite proud of.  
  
"And this causes you to fight. I was under the impression that humanity was attempting to move away from its baser past."  
  
"Yeah, well, he started it."  
  
"Did not."  
  
"Did too."  
  
"Did not."  
  
"Gentlemen. I have no wish to become involved in a childish argument. Please move, I need to access the plasma conduits."  
  
They both waited until she had been gone for a number of minutes. Neither of them had any idea how acute Vulcan hearing was.  
  
"That was exactly what I meant. Anyone could have come in on us."  
  
"Yeah, but could you imagine the look on her face if she'd'a just come in a little earlier?"  
  
"Yes, exactly the same as her normal expression, with a hint of disapproval."  
  
Trip looked disappointed. "Vulcans are damn dull."  
  
There was an uncomfortable silence.  
  
"So?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"About. everything."  
  
"The teeth are just too weird. but it's not like you can do anything about them." Trip paused. "I think I might be able to get used to them."  
  
Malcolm smiled, carefully keeping the offending teeth hidden. There were other things to resolve though. "And zero-g. activities?"  
  
"Fun. but a little too public. Risky."  
  
Malcolm nodded. "Good. Anyway, I have to be on duty in a couple of minutes."  
  
"Fancy meeting me down in engineering when you're done?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"There's a place down by one end of the warp core."  
  
"Are you suggesting.?"  
  
"Yeah, its got. vibrations. And no-one ever goes down there." Trip looked imploringly at him.  
  
Malcolm sighed. Why did he put up with this? "Alright then." It made his life interesting, if nothing else. 


End file.
